For All The Wrong Reasons

People asked me, why I wrote a letter. Their guesses where that I'm dying ^^ or I'm transferring. If I'd die, mag papaka senti pa ba ako? Yoko nga ng mga ganyan pag madi-deads noh. If mag t-transfer ako, edi sana naglupasay na ko noh. I don't like transferring schools, it sucks. Kaya actually, nagsulat ako kasi, i just felt like it. Cause these days, I feel so useless. My parents, they are always supporting me on whatever I want or do. Nandyan sila palagi as well as my siblings, pero mag nagawa na ba ako para sa kanila? Isang malaking wala. Kahit wala silang pinaparamdam o sinasabi, I'm being paranoid that I'm so useless. I thought, my purpose in life is to make people happy. Pero these days, discovering my friends' problems, I feel so useless. Akala ko dati, joke lang, okay na, magiging masaya sila. Seeing Roda's problems, sabi ko, anong purpose ko? Diba magpasaya? Pero bakit ang shunga shunga ko na hindi ko siya kayang pasayahin at kahit minsan, maipalimot man lang sa kanya yung problems nya? Si Athena at si Nikki, they've got some problems too. Pero ano bang nagawa ko? Nakikinig ba ako? Hindi. Kasi, ang selfish ko. Hindi ko sila pinapakinggan. Si Jane, my purpose is to make her happy hangga't hindi pa sila nagkakabati ni Nikki. Pero her laugh when she's with me and her laugh kapag ibang tao kasama nya, it's too different. Tipong, 95% yung kayang ibigay na saya ng iba sa kanya, 15% or less lang yung kaya ko. Bakit hindi ko kaya? Si Charles, ang purpose ko is tulungan sya sa mga responsibilities nya pero I'm too lazy to do stuff. Si Joel, ang purpose ko in his life is to listen to his problems pero anong ginagawa ko? I just judge him. Si Mathew, my purpose is suportahan sya sa mga pinaggagawa gawa nya pero minsan, I just ignore his improvements. Si RC, my purpose is to make him feel na kahit awayin ko sya palagi, I'm a friend na masasabihan nya ng problems pero hindi ko sya kayang gawin properly. Like, what the hell? I'm so useless. What's my purpose pa kung yung dapat na ginagawa ko, I can't do it properly or I'm not stretching that far yet rather. So I gave out letters kasi, I just felt like it. To tell people that my purpose is to love them but I just can't do it properly. Gets? If not, good for you. ^^